I have made a vow this month to try my damnedest to not threaten the lives of Cupid or anyone who may be in the greeting card business. Really, its not them, its the happy straight and gay couples that make me want to snip the blooms off of roses, cuts holes in paper hearts, and set box of chocolates on fire this time of year.
A lot of these couples, as Valentine’s Day looms, have apparently become experts on that certain “L” Word: love, and what it and relationships should be. And if you aren’t a part of it, boy, do they try and sell it. I have issues with that. I don’t buy into the stock mentality that unless you are a part of a couple, you are somehow lacking as a person, that you have no real sense of what love is, and worse, because of your single-ness, Valentine’s Day for you must be as pathetic as Lindsay Lohan’s driving record. Some couples of the world have some pretty heavy concerns about us singles.
“You must feel awfully sad and lonely being single.”
I’m sorry. I’ve been spending a lot of time hiding in this dark cave, writing sad poetry and wondering how Sylvia Plath really did it, you see, so I didn’t hear what you said.
Um…No. I’m fine, thank you.
“But it must be miserable not having someone special to celebrate Valentine’s Day with!”
Bring on the razor blades and easy listening radio for poor pathetic me!
Now what kind of bullshit is that? My life is filled with special people. I don’t need to date them, dine them, or fuck them to validate their existence. Nor do they mine. Some of my best Valentine memories involve nothing more than just hanging out with friends. Sure celebrating the holiday with a significant other would be fantastic, but I’m not going to fall apart if that idea is not in the cards. Celebrating with the other “loves” of my life, platonic as they may be, can be just as fulfilling.
“Jeez, you sound like you’re really anti-relationship. How sad! Did you have a bad experience with a man?”
Great. That’s a concept I know I (and apparently Lesbians), LOVE to deal with.
Believe it or not, I LIVE for love. Like anyone with a pulse, I crave emotional and physical intimacy, have had good and not so good relationships, and like those who still haven’t found Mr. or Mrs. Right (as opposed to Mr. or Mrs. Right Now, which I think a lot of us tend to fall for when we’re emotionally vulnerable…or just plain horny!), I march on with hope and optimism. I know that if you kiss enough frogs, eventually one will turn into a Prince…or will at least buy you dinner. But until that moment arrives, I can buy my own dinner, thank you very much, and am just as content to do so.
The only anti feelings I have on the subject is not wanting to concede to other people’s expectations and ideas of what love and relationships are supposed to be, or their importance. If you have a man (or a woman), good for you! If you are in a loving, committed relationship, God bless. If you are dating up a storm, giving the girls from Sex & the City a run for their money, you go girl. But please don’t assume that just because my love life, whatever shape or form it may be in, does not mirror yours, that I am some poor old soul weeping away the years by myself, or worse yet, a bitter, jaded queen who thinks relationships, romance, and all that jazz is nothing but headaches and heartaches. I simply live and play by my own set of rules. You do your thing, I’ll do mine (a concept us gay folk have mastered).
Now that we have that settled, perhaps we can spend more time talking about that other “L” Word. You know, I just love that show! I totally dig the character Shane.
“Isn’t she the one that is afraid of commitment? How sad!”
Oh, here we go again…
Essential Download: "Original Sin"
Artisit: Elton John
Available On: Songs From the West Coast
Originally published in the February 2006 issue of The Empty Closet, New York State’s Oldest Continuously-Published GLBT Newspaper, published since 1973 by the Gay Alliance of Genesee Valley.