April 15, 2005

Don't Get Me Started: Part II...

It’s been the same story all of my life.

“All you ever talk about is sex,” my best friend Aaron constantly admonishes me.

“Does everything about you have to be so sexual?” my girlfriend Amy asks.

Even Bertha, my long suffering Mother, has an opinion on this subject. “Nuthin’ you say could blow me outta the water. You’ve always been racy.”

That’s right, kids. Yours truly is racy! I feel like a modern day Mae West!

Let’s consider the facts for a moment, shall we? First of all, I’ve been a practicing gay since before the days when showering was mandatory after gym in high school, so the topic of sex in general has been part of my vernacular for at least 15 of my 27 years on this planet. Secondly, pop culture is a huge part of who I am. I’m a product of the 80’s and 90’s, which means I grew up with the images of Boy George, Madonna, George Michael, and Prince expressing themselves with their sexuality all over the place. These people defined the words controversial and provocative for my generation. These two details are related in the sense that the latter was instrumental in making the former less traumatizing for me when I “came out". In other words, Hey, that Madonna has some set of balls and doesn’t take any shit from anyone. Maybe I can be that way too!

Sex has never been a dirty word to me. I see nothing inappropriate or shameful in having it or talking about it.

"But why must sex be the center of your conversation?" I can still hear some of you asking.

Well, quite frankly, that question is the number one reason why I just won’t let the damn thing go. First off, who the hell is anyone to question my right to speak about anything, period? That’s a big pet peeve of mine. If I want to run up and down East Avenue screaming the words cock gobbler, you bet your sweet ass this big bitch is going to (I have never actually done this...really, I haven't!). What most people don’t seem to understand is that the people who take the most offence to my general inappropriateness are pretty much the people I’m targeting in the first place. And why am I targeting these people? That’s simple. These are the people that need to get over me talking about sex and 1) worry about the bigger issue (which I will get to in a moment) and perhaps 2) fucking have some already and stop taking their insecurities regarding the subject out on me just because of my progressive attitude towards it!

The biggest reason I'm so headstrong about the issue of sex is that so many of my younger brothers and sisters are hurting themselves because what they are feeling is considered socially immoral and their fear of rejection keeps them from expressing themselves and talking about it. If we all had a little bit more of a relaxed attitude regarding sexuality, Little Christopher might have grown up not thinking he was disgusting and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have thought dying was somehow better than living in sin.

"Have you lost your mind? Relaxed attitude about sex? What? What? What? Are you asking us to promote sexuality? What about teenage pregnancy? What about the rise in STDs among teenagers?"

Um...well, yeah. There you go being part of the problem again, not a part of the solution. Maybe you should spend less time telling a crazy faggot like me that my subject matter is wrong, and more time with Little Jimmie telling him that although you would prefer he not have sex, if he does, there are things called education and protection that may save him some trouble down the road. Same goes for Little Susie. What better way to celebrate her sweet 16 than with a brand new car and some social enlightenment. Have that talk you've been putting off!

I’m not saying to hand the keys to the sexual castle to your children. I’m just saying that if the world were a little less freaked out about the topic of sex, people (kids specifically) wouldn’t be sneaking around doing God knows what, God knows where. I’m sure the idea of having a frank conversation with a parent or a kid over this is a bit intimidating and perhaps a bit embarrassing, but wouldn’t you much rather deal with that kind of feeling than the alternative? I would take my son or daughter telling me they were thinking about becoming sexually active and the ensueing conversation over them telling me they had contracted some awful disease any day.

It is my sincerest hope that one day, me being me and a phrase like wild, crazy, butt boy will hardly raise an eyebrow. Someday, people will share a laugh, and then we can shift our focus to issues that I think should really be disturbing people more like the atrocity of art and music programs being cut from public schools, taking care of our world so future generations can enjoy it, or who has the bigger penis, Tobey Maguire or Hayden Christensen? Fuck. Oh well. I guess we can’t expect things to change over night now can we?

Essential Download: "Human Nature"
Artisit: Madonna
Available On: Bedtime Stories

April 01, 2005

Don't Get Me Started: Part I...

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in an endless sea of propaganda and symbolism. No, I’m not talking about what lunch would be like with Condoleezza Rice. I’m talking about everyday life. Everywhere I go it’s a constant barrage of what I like to call a case of the causes.

Did you ever stop and actually think about how many social causes people are supposedly really up in arms over these days? No. Of course you didn’t. You don’t have to. Fuck educating people or raising financial support, now days, we don’t really need to actually discuss these issues or do anything tangible to support them. Apparently all you really need to do is wear a ribbon. Who knew!?!

And what a crafty affair picking a ribbon has become! There are so many colors to choose from! You’ve got your red ribbon to support AIDS awareness. Pink is used for breast cancer awareness. Orange ribbons signify culture awareness. Yellow is used to promote the support of our troops. Green can be used to raise organ and tissue donor awareness. Tsunami relief supporters are wearing blue ribbons. If you want to raise awareness for domestic abuse, religious tolerance, eating disorders, sarcoidosis, or Alzheimer's, purple would be your color of choice. There are even rainbow pride ribbons to promote gay rights.

BUT WAIT! Tired of having to color coordinate your cause ribbon of choice with your wardrobe or hair? You don’t even have to wear the ribbon anymore! Instead, for the ultimate convenience, they make bumper sticker ribbons now. That’s right! Right next to your PROUD PARENT OF A STEPFORD HIGH SCHOOL HONOR ROLL STUDENT you can proudly display your sticker ribbon of choice, such as the red, white, and blue patriotism awareness sticker ribbon!

Now before all of you start sending me hate mail, or worse yet, send me to exile with all the other political radicals (although I wouldn’t mind meeting Jane Fonda, Barbra Streisand, or Susan Sarandon, who I share a birthday with, I’m not going within 12, 000 miles of Alec Baldwin...or any other Baldwin brother for that matter!), please understand something. I’m not trying to be flippant about any of these social causes.

Have you ever cleaned up the sick from someone suffering from a complication because of his or her HIV status? I have. Do you make it your business to get to know people that aren’t carbon copies of yourself? I do. Have you ever written a letter to a man or a woman serving our country, in spite of your own personal feelings regarding the war on terrorism? I have. Have you ever spent your free time sitting in a hospital with an elderly person who is undergoing cancer treatment because, with their advanced dementia, you happen to be one of the few people they seem to remember consistently? I have.

My issue is not with the people who do donate their money and or their time to all of these social concerns. To those people, wear that ribbon with pride if you must. My annoyance lies with certain people who throw on a ribbon or a bumper sticker because they think that it's the politically correct thing to do, with no regard to actually dealing with the issue they are so called “supporting”.

I feel obligated to bitch as loudly as I can in protest about how society seems to think that by having a ribbon or a sticker this somehow implies that they have done an incredible service to the world, like they deserve some sort of award for doing or saying the right thing. Hell, if that were the case, I would be first in line for a humanitarian award just for dealing with some of these fuckwits without being led away in hand cuffs. But do you see me asking for one? No. And I’m not wearing a ribbon for it either (although... if I were, it would be teal and it would promote society ignorance awareness What? Teal is already being used to promote other cancers and substance abuse awareness? Really? Interesting).

It has been said time and time again that actions speak louder than words. When I think about what I have actually contributed to raising awareness and supporting certain social concerns, in my heart I know my accomplishments. And for the record, I don’t need a fucking ribbon to acknowledge that.

Can you say the same?

Essential Download: "Trouble"
Artisit: Pink
Available On: Try This