August 15, 2011

I'll Take You There...

"So, what do you do for a living?”

“I sell dildos, lube and pornography.”

“ interesting. Your parents must be so proud.”

Now the aggressive diva in me wants to fire back: “Well, fuck you, you fucking narrow minded, uptight, prissy fuck,” but, as I get older, that response does very little to endear me to people or explain my case.

Instead, I shut them down with some good old-fashioned honesty: “Actually I find my work extremely interesting and satisfying. No, I’m not curing cancer, and it’s not rocket science, but by damn I do think what I do is important and I love it and make no apologies for it.”

So there!

I’ve spent the last decade working in shops that sell adult themed items and not just because I’m a big fan of good looking dudes with big dicks (although that too is on my resume).

Let’s face it; our country has a strange relationship with sex and sexuality. Entire generations were taught to never talk about it, instead having to suppress their curiosity or sneak around. Some religions teach us to be ashamed of it (while many who preach the gospel do God knows what with God knows whom), politicians use differences in sexuality to divide us (even though many of them are bigger whores than most of us), and sexually transmitted diseases have furthered the notion that sex is dangerous and wrong. Sex, and most things associated with it, continues to get a bad reputation and that’s a damn shame. Somebody has to stand up for sex.

Cue my entrance music.

I enjoy having the opportunity to support others when it comes to embracing a healthy, informed sense of their sexual selves. You often hear people jokingly refer to porn as educational material. It’s no joke. Sure, on the surface it’s hot guys (or girls) doing it, but adult films can also be an extremely useful, err, tool. They can be used to spice up your relationship (“Honey, we HAVE to try that!”), dispel myths (“Oh, THAT’S what that means!”) and can be used to have the safest sex of all (taking care of business yourself that is).

When it comes to sex and sexuality, my official stance is this: ignorance is not bliss. If we are not comfortable talking about it or understanding the role it has in our lives, then how the hell are we supposed to evolve as a society? Sex IS an important part of life. Without it, none of us would be here.

Some of the biggest hurdles we face on this planet are about sex and sexuality. The battle of the sexes? The march for equality? Really, boiled down to its basic parts, we’re talking about vaginas, penises, and what you do with them. We need to embrace that conversation. We need to do what Salt-N-Pepa encouraged us to do in the 90s: talk about sex. My career in this industry has erased my embarrassment and shame about doing just that. I honestly feel that when we lift that veil of awkwardness and shame from the topic, maybe just maybe, people will make safer, more informed choices when it comes to their bodies and how they use them.

Can I get an Amen?

(And for the record, my parents ARE proud of me, thank you very much. Now if only they would get over wanting me to go back to my natural hair color...)

P.S. I tip my tiara to others out there doing their part to get this dialog started, especially sex positive organizations like AIDS Care-Rochester, Everybody’s Good, and The Rochester Victory Alliance. These are my people and I LOVE them!

Now that I've had my say, let's hear yours! Post a comment below or email me at!

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